OH and I got kys dear elder! tell her thank you and that I mailed her a letter today. out of curiosity, when did she send it? I want to know how long it takes to get those.
OH Dear Fam of mine. What a week what a week. I just gotta laugh at how much God wants me to learn out here. Its pretty intense, and overwhelming at times. I had a rough few days, and it seemed like everything was hitting me at once. I have been feeling inadequate and my confidence has shattered here. My strengths have become weaknesses here. Things that I usually don't have a hard time with, is now a challenge. I can't express myself, and sometimes I’m at a lack of words. My sis Alvarado expects a lot out of me, and throughout our companionship she has put me on the spot several times, telling our investigator, "and now sister Hancock will teach you how to overcome trials." and usually that wouldn’t be a problem, but when I barely understand the investigators trial, I need to find a scripture, how to relate it to them, and then throw Tagalog in the mix. It wears on me a lot. Sis Alvarado and my housemates have never lived or had an American Companion, and they have big expectations from me. They treat me as a philippina missionary. Which I am grateful for because I have grown in the culture and language, yet I feel like they are always disappointed I cannot do or say things right. I have to keep lifting myself up on my own. I know I am progressing, and I have never tried so hard for something in my life. This language is difficult. But each time I pray to God, I feel less alone, and life gets a little easier.
We got some big news this week. Transfers. The next 6 weeks of my life is definitely going to be trying. My companion and I found out through our housemates. When sister Figuracion and sister Batacan arrived home, sister Batacan was wailing and crying and went straight to her room and cried all night. Its continued throughout today as well. Sister Figuracion told us that herself and Sister Alvarado were being transferred out, we were combining Areas, and sister Batacan and I would be companions. Sis Batacan was crying because she wanted to leave Daet because she has served in this area for most of her mission and this is her last transfer. My immediate response was I was pretty hurt because I felt like she doesn’t want to be with the Amerikana Sister- like in being passed around like rotten potatoes no one wants. Next I felt that its pretty childish that she would react to a calling of the lord this way. Although within seconds I recognized my negative feelings, realized its not about myself, and I changed my perspective entirely. I was filled with so much love and compassion for sister Batacan, I went into her room while she cried, and laying next her in my best tagalog I told her that I loved her so much and that God has so much trust and faith in us. I told her that I knew we could be so successful together, and that I had a feeling we would be the best of companions. I said I know its going to be hard but the lord will help us. I was filled with so much happiness and hope and I am determined to become Sister Batacans favorite companion. I actually am looking at this as a compliment from God, that he has enough confidence in her and I. Its going to be a really trying time for us, because it is just her and I, and her English is really basic, she has a thick accent, and my Tagalog is on the same level. Usually before with the other sisters together they could help me understand things, and now I only have sis Batacan who knows the least English out of all 3. After she calmed down last night she told me that I cannot speak English anymore and that she would really teach me how to clean my clothes and cook. I had to laugh a little because previously I thought about her being my companion and how impossible it seemed. She loves to tell me what to do and I have to follow all her superstitions. haha. Quite humorous to me sometimes. I am actually really grateful to God for this next transfer so that I can learn from her. I am already grateful for all the trials that are going to come because I know I am going to become a better person and more stronger. The zone leaders told us afterwards that our transfer was a last minute revelation the president received, and he had originally planned to keep sister Alvarado and I together. The president felt like this would be more beneficial to us, and I have complete trust in the him and the Lord. We have a lot of Area to combine, and so many investigators to sift through, but im grateful for this opportunity to come closer to the Lord and learn how to use the gift of discernment to know who God has prepared, and who he would have us continue to teach.
Much Love, Sister Hancock